joke time

[cherrysis]

HAHAHAHA!!!!! [img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img]

[ellanoize]

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?".
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear" she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room".
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy".

[cherrysis]

AWWWW that is adorable actually!!! [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

[ellanoize]

Miss Bea was in her eighties, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.

Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something! But he certainly couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlor. When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.

"Miss Bea," he said, " I wonder if you would tell me about this," (pointing to the bowl).

"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. It said to put it on your organ, keep it wet and it would prevent disease. And you know... I haven't had a cold all winter!"

[cherrysis]

HAHAHA Who comes up with theses things and THANK GOD for writing them down so we can all chuckle!!!

[ellanoize]

A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."

The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

[ellanoize]

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.
Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy.

What do you think I should do?"

"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"

[ellanoize]

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were trying to get in to see the Olympics without tickets. So they got to the stadium during one of the main events and discussed how they would be able to attend without paying.
The Englishman walked around the stadium and saw a pole lying on the ground and picked it up. He walked to the entrance and said, "Peter. England. Pole throwing." The guards let him in without hesitation.
While walking, the Scotsman sees a manhole. He picks up the cover, carries it under his arm to the entrance and says, "McGregor. Scotland. Discus throwing." The guards let him in also.
The Irishman is very frantic, since both his friends are now inside. He walks around the stadium and finds a roll of barbed wire. He picks it up, walks to the entrance and says, "Murphy. Ireland. Fencing."

[ellanoize]

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets so bored with all the shopping trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton gets this letter from Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people?s carts when they weren?t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, ?Code 3 in house wares?? and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M?s on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a ?CAUTION - WET FLOOR? sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he?d invite them in if they?ll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, ?Why can?t you people just leave me alone??

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the ?Mission Impossible? theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ?Madonna look? using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled ?PICK ME! PICK ME!?

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams ?NO! NO! It?s those voices again!?

And last, but certainly not least?

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ?There is no toilet paper in here!?

[cherrysis]

VERY NICE!!! I may try one or two those [img]tongue.gif[/img]